The Holidays Without Them—When Joy and Grief Collide
The holidays are here, and the world feels different. Everywhere I look, there are reminders of joy—lights twinkling in windows, holiday music playing, people making plans and sharing traditions. But beneath all the brightness, there is a shadow. Because this year, my child is not here. Holidays used to be filled with their laughter, their excitement, their presence. Now, every tradition feels hollow, every celebration feels incomplete. I am caught between wanting to honor the season and wanting to hide from it. Because how do you celebrate when a part of your heart is missing?
Table of Contents
- The Pain of Empty Traditions
- Allowing Grief and Joy to Coexist
- Learning Tools: Navigating the Holidays with Grief and Love
- 1. The “Memory Candle” Ritual
- 2. The “Redefining Traditions” Practice
- 3. The “Permission to Feel” Affirmation
- Guided Meditation: Creating Space for Love and Loss
The Pain of Empty Traditions
There are moments when I try to keep the traditions alive. I pull out the decorations, touch the ornaments they once hung on the tree, try to cook their favorite holiday meals. But each action feels like a reminder of what is no longer here. Their stocking hangs empty. Their chair at the table is a painful void. I hear songs they loved, and my chest tightens. I see families together, and my heart aches. It feels like the world is moving forward while I am still standing in the shadow of loss.
Allowing Grief and Joy to Coexist
Maybe the holidays don’t have to be all joy or all grief. Maybe I can create space for both. Maybe it’s okay to find moments of light, even if they are surrounded by darkness. Maybe I can honor my child’s memory without feeling like I have to pretend everything is okay.
This year, I am giving myself permission to do the holidays my way.
If I need to change traditions, that is okay.
If I need to step away from celebrations, that is okay.
If I need to cry while others are singing, that is okay.
Grief does not have to erase joy. And joy does not have to erase grief.
Learning Tools: Navigating the Holidays with Grief and Love
The holidays can be particularly difficult when you are grieving. These tools will help you honor your loss while also finding moments of peace and light.
1. The “Memory Candle” Ritual
Light a candle in memory of your child. Set aside a moment each day to sit with their love, to speak their name, to hold space for their memory. Let this candle be a reminder that their light is still with you, even in the darkest times.
2. The “Redefining Traditions” Practice
Choose one tradition that feels too difficult and change it in a way that honors your grief.
If decorating feels too heavy, create a small, quiet space in your home with objects that remind you of your child.
If cooking old recipes is painful, try making something new while sharing a story about them.
If attending big gatherings is overwhelming, find comfort in a small, intentional ritual at home.
You are allowed to reshape the holidays in a way that feels right for you.
3. The “Permission to Feel” Affirmation
Each morning, place a hand on your heart and say:
“I am allowed to feel joy and grief together.”
“I do not have to perform happiness for others.”
“I am honoring my child by allowing all my feelings to exist.”
Guided Meditation: Creating Space for Love and Loss
ind a quiet place. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
Imagine yourself sitting in a room filled with soft candlelight. In front of you are two candles—one represents joy, the other grief. Both flames burn steadily, neither outshining the other.
You do not have to choose between them.
You sit in the gentle glow, allowing both feelings to exist within you.
You whisper to yourself:
“I am allowed to hold both light and shadow.”
“My grief is a reflection of my love.”
“I honor my child by allowing all my feelings to have space.”
Stay in this space as long as you need. Let the warmth of the candles hold you.
When you are ready, take a deep breath, gently open your eyes, and return to the present moment.
The holidays may be different, but love remains.
And love is the greatest tradition of all.
Created By: Bethany Orrick
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