The Loneliness of the “New Me”

I don’t recognize myself anymore.
Grief has stripped me down, unraveling the person I used to be. I look in the mirror and see a stranger—tired eyes, an emptiness that wasn’t there before. The things that once mattered now feel distant, unimportant.
People around me expect me to be “getting better,” but they don’t understand. I’m not just grieving my child—I’m grieving me. The version of myself that existed before loss. The mother I used to be. The woman who laughed easily, who made plans, who felt safe in the world.
She is gone.
And in her place is someone new. Someone who has survived the unimaginable. Someone who carries pain and love in equal measure. Someone who is learning how to exist again.
But this new version of me feels isolated, separate from the world around me. People expect me to “move on,” but I don’t even know who I am moving on as.

Who Am I Without Them?
Becoming Without Forgetting
Learning Tools: Finding Yourself in the Aftermath of Loss
1. The “Who Am I Now?” Journal Exercise
2. The “Carrying Love” Ritual
3. The Gentle Reintroduction to Life
Guided Meditation: Embracing the New You

Who Am I Without Them?

Before my child died, my identity was clear. I was a mother. A protector. A guide. My days were
filled with their needs, their laughter, their life.
Now, my role has been taken away, but my love remains. And that love has nowhere to go.
It’s like being trapped in between—between the past that I cannot return to and a future that
feels impossible to imagine.
I don’t want to be the same person I was before.
But I don’t know how to be this new person either.

Becoming Without Forgetting

Maybe the answer isn’t in trying to find my “old self” again. Maybe the answer is in allowing something new to emerge—someone who carries grief and love together, without letting one erase the other.

Maybe I am not lost. Maybe I am becoming.

Learning Tools: Finding Yourself in the Aftermath of Loss

Losing a child is not just the loss of a person—it’s the loss of the life you knew, the identity youLosing a child is not just the loss of a person—it’s the loss of the life you knew, the identity you had. These tools are meant to help you navigate the in-between space of grief and self-discovery.

1. The “Who Am I Now?” Journal Exercise

Write down the things that feel different about you now.
Write about the parts of you that grief has changed—the way you think, the way you love, the way you see the world.

Then, write about the parts of you that remain—your deepest values, the love you still hold, the things that still bring you even a sliver of peace.

This isn’t about fixing or forcing change. It’s about witnessing yourself as you are, without judgment.

2. The “Carrying Love” Ritual

Find a small object that reminds you of your child—a stone, a piece of jewelry, a photo.
Hold it in your hands and say:
“I am still their mother.”
“I am still whole, even in grief.”
“I am allowed to become someone new.”

Carry this object with you as a reminder that love does not disappear, even as you change.

3. The Gentle Reintroduction to Life

Choose one small thing that connects you to life outside of grief.
It could be sitting outside for five minutes, listening to music, making a cup of tea with intention.

Grief will always be part of you, but life is still here. Let yourself take small steps toward it, at your own pace.

Guided Meditation: Embracing the New You

Find a quiet place. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.

Imagine yourself standing in front of a river. The water is moving, flowing, carrying pieces of the past and present.

You see a reflection in the water. It is you—but not the you from before. This version of you carries grief, but also love. Loss, but also wisdom.

You kneel by the water and whisper to this reflection:
“I see you.”
“I honor who you are becoming.”
“I am allowed to change.”

The water does not resist the flow. It moves forward, gently, naturally. You do not need to force anything. You only need to allow.

Let yourself breathe in this moment. Feel the warmth of your child’s love, still within you.

When you are ready, take a deep breath, gently open your eyes, and return to the present.

You are still you. You are still whole. And you are becoming.

Created By: Bethany Orrick

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