The Unexpected Joy—When Happiness Feels Strange

Today, something unexpected happened.
I laughed. A real laugh. Not the forced, polite kind, but one that came from deep inside me.
For a moment, I forgot about the weight I carry. I wasn’t just surviving—I was living.
And then, just as quickly as it came, guilt followed.
How can I feel joy when my child is gone?
What does it say about me that I could laugh, even for a second?
Does this mean I’m moving on?
The happiness felt foreign, like a language I no longer know how to speak.
For so long, grief has been my constant companion. It has shaped my days, filled my thoughts, and redefined my life. In many ways, it has become part of my identity.
So when joy appears—even in the smallest ways—it feels… wrong.

The Fear of Letting Go
Allowing Joy Without Guilt
Learning Tools: Making Space for Joy Without Guilt
1. The “Would They Want This for Me?” Reflection
2. The Joy Without Guilt Journal
3. The “Carrying Love Forward” Practice
Guided Meditation: Allowing Happiness to Coexist with Grief

The Fear of Letting Go

That’s a powerful and deeply moving realization. Grief tries to convince us that pain is the only way to honor those we’ve lost, but love is much bigger than suffering. Love doesn’t demand endless sorrow—it wants us to keep living, to carry their memory in a way that brings light rather than only darkness.

Have you found any moments, however small, where remembering feels like love rather than just loss?

Allowing Joy Without Guilt

That’s such a beautiful and profound shift in perspective. Love doesn’t disappear with loss, and neither does the permission to experience joy. Your child’s love is not something you leave behind—it’s something you carry with you, in both grief and in moments of light.

If you could imagine your child speaking to you in that moment of laughter, what do you think they would say?

Learning Tools: Making Space for Joy Without Guilt

Joy doesn’t mean you are done grieving. It simply means you are learning how to hold love and loss at the same time. These tools will help you welcome happiness without guilt.

1. The “Would They Want This for Me?” Reflection

Close your eyes and picture your child.
Imagine them looking at you with love.
Ask yourself:
Would they want me to stay in pain forever?
Would they want me to feel happiness when it comes?
Would they want me to live fully, even without them here?
Let their love guide your answer.

2. The Joy Without Guilt Journal

Write down a moment of happiness you recently experienced.
Instead of pushing it away, explore it:
What did it feel like?
Why did it scare me?
How can I allow joy while still honoring my grief?
This helps reframe happiness as a gift, rather than a betrayal.

3. The “Carrying Love Forward” Practice

Choose one small way to bring your child’s love into a joyful moment.
If they loved music, play their favorite song.
If they loved nature, take a walk and whisper their name to the wind.
If they made you laugh, let yourself laugh today in their honor.
This reminds you that they are still with you—always.

Guided Meditation: Allowing Happiness to Coexist with Grief

Find a quiet place. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
Imagine yourself standing in a field at sunrise. The air is cool, the sky is soft, and golden light begins to spill over the horizon.
In one hand, you hold grief—it is heavy but familiar. In the other, you hold a small, glowing light—joy.
You look at both and realize… you do not have to choose between them. You can carry them together.

You whisper to yourself:
“I can hold grief and happiness at the same time.”
“I do not have to feel guilty for moments of joy.”
“My love remains, no matter what I feel.”

Stay in this space for as long as you need. Let the warmth of the sunrise remind you that light is still allowed to find you.
When you are ready, take a deep breath, gently open your eyes, and return to the present.

Grief will always be part of you. But so will love. And love wants you to live.